Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
