You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
