I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
