I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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