Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
