remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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