Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am naked and annoyed.
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