I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
