Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
