At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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