What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
