either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
