My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
