Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
