I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
