I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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