I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
