it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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