Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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