Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
