you guys were way drunker than both of me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
