Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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