and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
