HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
