i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
