Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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