Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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