im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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