Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
