It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
