While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
