I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My ass is underappreciated
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
