what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
