I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Still dying that you shit outside
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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