Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
