i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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