Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
