He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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