So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
