I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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