Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
