I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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