Duck Duck Cougar?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
