Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
