Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
