White coat. Heels.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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