ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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