I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
