My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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