He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
