I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
