I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You ruined the universe
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
