Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
