Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
