Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
