I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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