Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
