She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
