Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
