we're chasing vodka with high fives
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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