so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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