it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
