vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
