She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
