his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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