I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
