i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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