laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
