You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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