You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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