In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
