he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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