I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
