I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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