would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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